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Chapter 82: I Didn’t Sign Up for This in a Dungeon Either
So… to put it simply, what just happened was absolutely insane.
My seven-year-old friend and four-year-old little brother just one-shotted a creature even stronger than the boss of this dungeon floor—a gigantic bug I’ll just refer to as Initial G. How is that even possible!?
While I stood there in stunned silence, a second volley of arrows came flying in. The remaining eight Initial Gs were now down to six.
This wasn’t a dream.
And they nailed them in the head again. Perfect precision.
But then, Lara-san shook her head.
“Hiyoko-chan, Kana, that’s bad manners.”
“Bad manners…? Now?”
There’s etiquette now?
Three grown men were on the ground, their faces smeared with snot and tears. This was clearly an emergency. Are you telling me there's a code of conduct for this?
Lara must have seen my confusion, because she crossed her arms and gave us all a very serious look.
“Lesson time,” she said. “When you kill a monster, it might drop an item. Adventurers make a living selling or using the loot they collect from these kills. If you jump into someone else’s battle, that’s the same as stealing their loot. That’s why, unless they ask for help, even if it looks bad, you're not supposed to intervene.”
“Ah… I see,” I muttered.
“If we beat the monster, those guys wouldn’t have any food money left,” Kanade said, suddenly struck by realization. “Hiyo-sama, food is important!”
And just like that, he turned to convince Regulus.
Regulus puffed his cheeks and shook his head stubbornly.
“No more ‘poof-poof’? But big brother hates those things.”
“Even if he hates them, Waka-sama (the young master) says we shouldn’t take other people’s meals, right?”
“…Yeah. If that’s what makes their meals, then I guess I’m okay with it…”
“Okay, then!” Regulus chirped obediently.
The grown-ups looked at him with soft, approving smiles.
The mood began to relax.
Until—
“P-please help us!!”
“I don’t wanna diiiiie!!”
Panicked cries echoed from deeper in the cave. Lara-san and Romanov turned toward the noise, while Kanade and Regulus quickly raised their bows again. Meanwhile, the thread linking me to Tara tugged gently—her way of saying, Can I go now?
Apparently, to her, those disgusting Initial Gs were a delicacy. She looked up at me with what could only be described as a hungry glint in her eyes.
“Tara-chan, is it okay if I let go?”
“Go ahead,” Romanov-sensei said.
“Alright, then. Tara-chan, go get ‘em!”
As soon as I released the thread, she launched herself at the swarm.
Now that I think about it, I have no idea how Tara hunts. Aren’t spiders supposed to just spin webs and wait?
But instead, Tara formed sticky webbing into compact slings and started pelting the giant Gs with them.
Each impact made the bugs convulse violently before flipping belly-up, twitching. Once they were paralyzed, she bound them in more web and hopped on to the next one.
She was relentless.
Meanwhile, Kanade and Regulus shot down any that got close, and Lara and Romanov took out the stragglers with arrows made of ice and lightning.
In no time, all the Gs were exterminated… and then promptly devoured by Tara.
Rest in peace. Or not.
When we reached the trembling, traumatized trio of adventurers, a sour stench hit us like a wall. I probably shouldn’t have looked, but… the discolored patch on the ground and the little puddle forming beneath them said everything.
Poor guys. But they couldn’t stay like that—sitting in their own mess could make injuries worse or lead to illness.
So I swallowed my pride, reached into my trusty waist pouch, and pulled out three pairs of boxer shorts.
Yes, I carry emergency underwear.
Yes, I had washed them after our fashion show with Lord Hyou-rin.
And yes, they were made from magic-infused cloth that fits adults and kids.
“Um… these are… underwear, but…”
“Whoa!? Ah, th-thank you…”
The scruffy, sleepy-eyed guy with droopy black hair—who seemed to be their spokesperson—accepted them on the group’s behalf.
I still wanted to hear how they ended up like this, and we couldn’t have them bolting, so Romanov and Genzo kept watch. Viktor-sensei cast a barrier, and Utsunomiya laid out a thick cloth as a makeshift picnic mat.
As for me, I cleansed the area with magic—no way was I going to eat lunch with that smell lingering—and reconnected my thread to Tara, who had just finished her snack.
The three men approached hesitantly in their new underwear.
“How’s the fit?” I asked.
“Well, a little snug, but stable, y’know?”
“They stay up really well thanks to the tight fabric. Not bad.”
“That’s good. You can keep them. No need to return them.”
I smiled, and the men looked a little puzzled but nodded. Viktor0sensei then handed them their cleaned pants.
“I washed and dried them with magic,” he said casually. “And by the way, that underwear is from Effet Papillon, the brand favored by Kikunoi and certified by the Adventurer’s Guild.”
“Wait—seriously!?”
“The same one the Guildmaster recommends to rising rookies?!”
“They’re cheap but come with bonus effects, right? Like, they make a huge difference for newbies?”
…Hold up. What’s this about?
I didn’t know they’d gotten that kind of reputation.
I gave Viktor-sensei a suspicious glare. He just shrugged.
Romanov-sensei smiled at the men and added helpfully:
“That elf over there and I wear them too. Despite being underwear, they enhance magic power and physical defense. We got a bunch for free in exchange for helping test the new design, right?”
Snap—a dramatic wink was tossed to everyone wearing my handmade boxers: Viktor-sensei, Regulus, Kanade, Genzo-san… and myself.
Yeah, okay, I did hand them out for free.
But that doesn’t mean I ever intended to mass-produce them!
As my stare grew increasingly sour, Lara-sensei dealt the final blow:
“If only we had a women’s version, but she’s too embarrassed to make them.”
BECAUSE I DON’T KNOW HOW WOMEN’S UNDERWEAR IS STRUCTURED!!
If someone explained it, I’d make it! But who’s gonna teach me that?
Second Son, maybe?
Should I ask him?
While I was trying to mentally escape this mess, the trio of men—now dressed again—finally spoke up.
“Either way, you really saved us.”
“Yeah… thanks a ton.”
“You’re our lifesavers.”
“No need to thank us. And we’re sorry for stepping in before you called for help.”
I bowed and invited them over to join us on the lunch mat.
Utsunomiya quickly served tea.
Good thing we’d brought extra just in case something like this happened.
After taking a long sip, one of them—a guy with messy brown hair and a patchy beard—muttered quietly:
“Damn it…”
We all turned to look. Another of the trio, the one with a big scar on his cheek, clenched his fists and slammed the ground.
“Um… if it’s alright… would you mind telling us what happened?”
I asked gently. The black-haired man gave a silent nod.
I mean, it’s not like they had much choice. Everyone here was stronger than them anyway.
EUN: I--I could barely translate a sentence during these past few days. 😵 Today we all pigged out in Texas de Brazil, my Aunt and cousin brought us there and we ended up stuffing ourselves with meat, meat and more meat!! It was sooo good though >u< after that was the inevitable food coma. Teehee~!! well their salads and soups were nothing to scoffed as well. The cheese bread too!! they're super duper good!!!!!!!!
THANKS FOR ALL THE COMMENTS AND DONO!!
I really enjoy reading your comments^^
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