LABICBTTS_ARCHIVE_CHAPTER 5 CAN'T SEE THROUGH, CAN'T FIGURE OUT

LIKE A BOAT IT CIRCLES BACK TO THE START 

Chapter Five
Can't See Through, Can't Figure Out

The weather was gradually getting colder. Compared to the north, southern winters were nothing to brag about, but Zhou Xiao was especially sensitive to the cold. The moment the temperature dipped, she’d wrap herself up like a walking rice dumpling.

And the cold in this city was different—it seeped into your bones, no matter how many layers you wore. Just like her relationship with Zhao Fanzhou—frozen from the inside out, leaving both of them at a loss.

Zhou Xiao stood on the campus path, holding her phone, hesitating whether or not to call him. She had run into Jia Yichun at the library the day before. She was still as beautiful and delicate as ever, like someone who could cough up blood at any moment.

Even Zhou Xiao, as another girl, had the urge to protect her.

“Call him, call him. But what would I even say? That I ran into Jia Yichun and he never told me she was back? But what does her being back have to do with me, really? Or should I tell him that I’m starting my tutoring job in a couple of days and might not have time to hang out with him anymore?”

Just as she was lost in thought, her phone rang, startling her. It was from her tutoring student—Lee Doyou, a Korean exchange student. He kind of looked like Kim Jae-won, with long, slightly curly hair and adorable dimples when he smiled. Way too cute. She often wondered, Do all Korean guys try to make themselves look exactly the same?

“Hello?”

“Hi, teacher? This is Lee…”

He paused. Probably forgot his Chinese name again.

“Yes, I know—it’s Lee Doyou. What’s up?”

“Teacher… class… when?”

Korean sentence structure always tangled up his grammar.

“I haven’t arranged the schedule yet. I’ll let you know when I do.”

She hadn’t even told Zhao Fanzhou about this tutoring job yet.

“What? I don’t understand.”

“I’ll send you a text.”

Right—she forgot his Chinese was a disaster.

“Text? Oh, okay.”

Okay, your head. What is this, Japanese?

“Bye-bye.”

“Bye-bye.”

After she hung up, any desire she had to call Zhao Fanzhou was completely gone. Forget it, she thought. I’ll go shopping with friends. It’s just a guy. Let him rot on his own.

Her roommate was trying on clothes, while Zhou Xiao sat outside the fitting room bored out of her mind, flipping through her phone. No messages from him.

When he had just come back, he was all over her. And now—cold again. Just like before he left. It felt like she was the only one who had ever been passionate, burning like a pile of hot coals… until someone doused her with a bucket of cold water. Sizzle— Not even smoke left behind.

“You think this looks good?”

“Yeah, it looks great.”

“You don’t think it makes my legs look fat?”

Zhou Xiao examined her carefully. She really wanted to smack her. Seriously? You're a stick and you're calling your legs fat?

Girls. That’s the frustrating thing. No matter how skinny they are, they always think they’re fat. Society puts way too much pressure on women—like gaining weight is some kind of sin.

“No, you’re ridiculously skinny.”

“Really? I still feel like my arms and thighs could be thinner.”

She pinched her barely-there limbs.

“Girl, please leave a little hope for the rest of us.”

Zhou Xiao rolled her eyes at last.

“Okay, then I’m getting it.”

She cheerfully ran off to pay. If Zhou Xiao saw correctly, that outfit cost over 600 yuan. Rich people are such weirdos.

It reminded her—last time she had this thought was in front of Zhao Fanzhou’s fancy apartment complex. He’d moved back to campus now. But what about that place—was it rented, or bought? If it was bought, then… his family must be loaded?

He had never talked much about his family. It wasn’t until recently she even learned he had a grandma in Canada.

Suddenly, she felt uneasy.

She realized… she didn’t really know him at all.

She didn’t know who his family members were, where he grew up, which schools he’d gone to, what cartoons he watched as a kid, who he’d idolized, or when he first had a crush…

And yet on the very first day they started dating, she had practically recited her entire family tree for him. Even told him the story of how she once planted fifty cents in the dirt and dug it back up just so she could pretend she found lost money and get praised by her teacher for being “honest.”

He had laughed and said, “So you’ve been this weird since you were a kid.”

The point was childhood innocence! Not weirdness, you tactless jerk!

Back from shopping, she showered and lay on her bed in a daze. Her roommate was humming softly through her earphones—Zhang Liangying’s “Painted Heart”:

“Can’t see through… the soul you’ve lost…

Can’t figure out… the color in your eyes…

What bewitched your heart…”

A strange sense of disorientation washed over her—as if her soul had been pulled out and was floating, caught in that fragmented melody.

Can’t see through. Can’t figure out.

Is this what love feels like for everyone?

Or… was it just her?

Zhao Fanzhou stood by the window, a steaming cup of tea in his hands. The heat curled upward in pale wisps, taking his thoughts with it.

The weather was cold lately. She must be freezing—and probably pissed. She always got grumpy when she was cold.

He hadn’t contacted her recently. Maybe that made her even more pissed?

He thought taking a step back might help them both calm down, maybe help them figure out what went wrong.

But all it did was make him feel overwhelmingly lonely.

He was used to turning around and seeing her right there.

He honestly couldn’t remember how he survived those six months without her.

And maybe now he understood the root of the problem.

Back then, she had always taken the initiative. Ever since he came back… she’d stopped.

Without her enthusiasm, their relationship was stuck in a deadlock.

He tried taking the lead instead—but something still felt off.

Maybe that was it.

When she was the one reaching out, he cooperated easily.

But now that he was the one reaching out… she wasn’t responding.

Why didn’t she take the initiative anymore?

Why wasn’t she cooperating now?

EUN: IT FREAKING HURTS. TRANSLATING HIS INNER MONOLOGUE!!! PLEASE COMMUNICATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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